


What Am I to You? (I Do Love You Crazy, Uh, Do You?)

by queenofhunter93



Series: Namjin High School AU [1]
Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: F/M, Female Kim Namjoon | RM, Female Oh Sehun, Tsundere kim namjoon | rm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24508171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofhunter93/pseuds/queenofhunter93
Summary: Namjoon is just really bad at being honest
Relationships: Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Oh Sehun, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin
Series: Namjin High School AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770901
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	What Am I to You? (I Do Love You Crazy, Uh, Do You?)

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from my livejournal. Inspired by BTS' Intro: What am I to you?

**Thursday, 27 March 2014 – Afternoon**

Kim Seokjin is perfect.

He is a senior in Kim Namjoon’s school who is dark-haired, fair-skinned, handsome, with broad shoulders and a height that is perfect for Namjoon to lean her head on his shoulder comfortably. He’s also the star of the drama club, giving the school fantastic performances every time they produced a play.

But for some reason, there is something about Seokjin that Namjoon can’t stand. She can’t quite put her finger on it, though.

Namjoon likes to think that she’s just an average girl with above average grade. She calls herself a nerd simply because she just likes to study. She changes the color of her hair pretty much every day to cut through her average life using her method of temporary hair dye: chalk. She can’t remember where she learned it, but it works. She doesn’t like it when she attracts people’s attention, but maybe she should’ve thought that through before dyeing her hair with colors of the rainbow.

Sure, Namjoon likes to think that she’s an average girl, but she likes it better when she does things that no other girl likes to do. She likes to go to underground Seoul for a rap battle or two or three every Wednesday night with an oppa she got close with, Min Yoongi, who is a college student studying photography, and her childhood friend, Jung Hoseok. No one knows this, of course.

The day in which her hair color is blonde with a hint of sky blue is when everything starts to change. That day, she finds out that one of the most popular guys in school has a crush on her.

She starts receiving love letters, boldly signed with the words, “your not-so-secret admirer, Kim Seokjin,” in her locker.

To be honest, Namjoon doesn’t really like guys who think that they can get whatever they want whenever they want it. Especially when it comes to girls. And Kim Seokjin is just that.

It’s not like Seokjin is a bad guy, no. The girls who date him all claim that he was a gentleman and only broke up because they felt like they were better off as friends.

Namjoon refuses to be the next girl.

As was said before, Namjoon likes to think that she’s an average girl doing things no average girl likes to do. So she decides to ignore Seokjin.

But damn that boy is stubborn.

One Thursday morning after Namjoon went to underground Seoul, she finds two unfamiliar things invading her locker: a love letter and an energy drink.

“You always seem tired every Thursday morning. I’d like to know why, because I think I’m getting jealous ;( - your not-so-secret admirer, Kim Seokjin.”

Namjoon keeps on telling herself not to fall for it because she’s not like other girls who gets flustered over a small bit of attention from a popular guy, but after drinking the energy drink in one shot, she figures that maybe she’s not as unique as other girls after all.

Each and every one of Seokjin’s letters always ends with a “P.S.: meet me at the roof after school. I’ll be waiting.”

After two weeks of receiving the letters, Namjoon (finally?) finds herself in front of the door leading to the roof after school. She takes a deep breath and opens the door.

When she does, the door gives a loud creak, making her wince since she intended to come in quietly. She closes the door, turns around, and her breath gets caught in her throat.

Anyone with eyes can tell how handsome Seokjin is. Despite the fact that Namjoon hates it when a guy knows for a fact that he was gorgeous, Namjoon can’t exactly deny it. But for once in her life, she thinks that Seokjin is breathtaking.

He is leaning against the railing of the roof, looking a little bit anxious, but it’s all gone after he sees her. He breaks out into a very beautiful smile, one that Namjoon never sees in public before, and scratches the back of his head nervously. That small smile looks so beautiful in Namjoon’s eyes; she finds it hard to look away.

“You came,” Seokjin says with a small, nervous chuckle, “I never thought you’d come.”

“Well, to be honest, I never thought I’d find myself here, either,” Namjoon says with a shrug. Seokjin walks over to Namjoon, and for some reason, Namjoon can’t move. Or won’t.

“Um…” Seokjin looks down at his feet. This sight of a nervous Seokjin is such an unfamiliar sight to Namjoon that it throws her off, “Man, why am I so nervous…?”

Namjoon gulps when she hears that. It’s not every day that you can see one of the most popular guys so nervous in front of a girl and admits it, “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Maybe it’s just Namjoon, but she swears that she can see the tension leaving his body even just a little bit. She sees him taking a deep breath and he finally looks up right into her eyes, “Namjoon-sshi…”

Namjoon bites her lower lip, “Yes?”

“I like you. I’ve liked you for such a long time. I like you so much, it’s ridiculous. I can’t think straight when it comes to you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

There it is. The question that Namjoon has been… waiting for? Dreading? She doesn’t know.

Her initial plan was to reject him, of course. But seeing the earnest look on his face, the determination in his eyes, the slight tension in his shoulder, she honestly can’t say it.

“I…” Namjoon starts. Seokjin gets tenser and looks at her with stars in his eyes, “I don’t know you very well, sunbaenim…” her heart may have broken a little bit seeing his shoulder slump a little, “but… I do know you’re a good person. I hope I’m not wrong. So I’m willing to give you a chance.”

When Seokjin’s face lit up, Namjoon can’t help the twitch on the ends of her lips. Her smile dims when she sees Seokjin look shocked.

“W-What?”

“…you should smile more often. You look gorgeous when you smile.”

“S-Shut up! No one asked you!” Namjoon says as she turns around to leave the roof, trying her hardest to dampen the blush she knows is starting to show on her face. Namjoon frowned for a moment. Where did the cute, nervous guy from earlier go? She can hear Seokjin chuckle from behind her. She continues to walk down the stairs, hearing her step being echoed by Seokjin’s, who is following her. After they finally reach the front gate of the school, Seokjin finally opens his mouth.

“Let me take you home,” he says. Namjoon turns to look at him.

“…by what magic do you propose you take me home? The bus? A cab?”

“No, I have a bike. Let’s ride tandem.”

“…seriously?”

Seokjin only smiles and walks away from Namjoon. She raises an eyebrow, extremely tempted to just leave Seokjin and walk away from him, but she’s rooted to her spot and she doesn’t understand why.

A couple of minutes later, Namjoon can hardly believe her eyes as she sees Seokjin returning with a very standard bicycle and stops right in front of her.

“Get on behind me,” he says. What era is he from again, going to the school and back home with a freaking bicycle?! Namjoon hesitates. Should she? When she doesn’t even know her *gulp* boyfriend very well? He could very well be a serial killer and get away with his freaking charm.

But then again, Namjoon guesses that she’s definitely charmed, because she finds herself sitting sideways on top of the seat behind Seokjin.

“Are you comfortable?” Seokjin asks. Namjoon nods before she realizes that he can’t see her, and then she says, “Yeah,” to which he says, “Hold on tight.”

 _To where?_ Namjoon thinks. Before she can figure it out, Seokjin has pushed the pedals and Namjoon can’t help but throw herself to Seokjin’s (very broad and, unexpectedly, muscled) back. She grips Seokjin’s shirt tight and fights the urge to hide her face on Seokjin’s back because the wind is ruining her hair but it feels so good.

“…kay …re?”

“Huh?”

“I said you okay back there?!” Seokjin asks loudly.

“I’m fine!” Namjoon says just as loud as the wind drowns their voices.

“I don’t know where I’m going so you better navigate for me!”

“Just drop me off at the station!”

“Hell no, I’m taking you home!”

Namjoon hates stubborn guys.

She takes a deep breath and let it out in a deep sigh, and then she leans her body closer to Seokjin so she doesn’t have to scream so loud, “take a left here.”

As soon as she finishes talking, the bike swerves quite wildly.

“Whoa!” Namjoon exclaims as she holds tighter onto Seokjin’s shirt.

“Sorry!” Seokjin says. Namjoon can swear that Seokjin’s ears are red, “don’t speak so close…”

“Huh?!”

“Nothing! I turn left here, right?”

Namjoon raises her eyebrow, “yeah!” she says finally. She continues to navigate and before she knows it, they’re in front of her house.

“So this is where the beauty lives.”

Namjoon hates cheesy guys.

“I’ll consider not taking away your one and only chance if you stop talking like that,” Namjoon threatens. She expects him to cower from her threat, but Seokjin only smiles.

“Okay, okay,” he answers, “should I pick you up tomorrow morning?”

“No need. You should go home before it gets dark, sunbaenim,” Namjoon says as she walks away from Seokjin.

“Don’t…”

“Huh?” Namjoon turns around when Seokjin says something.

“Stop calling me like I’m a stranger, Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin says, “you can call me oppa if you want to,” Seokjin has a serious look on his face, which makes it harder for Namjoon to know whether he’s joking or not.

Namjoon turns her body back around and feels the heat rush to her face, “…thanks for taking me home,” she says simply. She doesn’t turn around when she hears the telltale of his bike cycling away from her house.

“I’m home,” Namjoon says after she closes the front door.

“Noona, who was that?” Namjoon’s (annoying but-she-loves-him-anyway-but-don’t-tell-him) brother, Taehyung asks her the second she walks into the living room.

“‘Welcome home, noona. Are you tired?’ Well yes, Taehyung-ah, I’m really tired!” Namjoon says sarcastically.

“Oh come on!” Taehyung whines. Namjoon sighs.

“He’s… a friend.”

“Who takes you home by bicycle. From your school. Which is an hour away from our house. Noona, if he doesn’t have feelings for you, it’s like saying I’m straight,” Taehyung says, “I’m still waiting for you to introduce me to Yoongi-hyung, by the way.”

“He’s way too old for you!” Namjoon protests, “and… how Seokjin-oppa feels about me has nothing to do with you!”

“You’re calling him oppa already? When did you first meet him anyway? Why don’t I know about him? This is the first time you’ve ever talked about a guy other than Yoongi-hyung! This calls for a celebration!” Taehyung exclaims. Namjoon starts. She doesn’t mean to start calling Seokjin ‘oppa’!

“S-Shut up, Taehyung-ah, you’re being nosy!” Namjoon says as she practically storms towards her room. From behind her, Taehyung gasps.

“Oh my God, he’s your boyfriend!!”

SLAM!!

Namjoon slams her bedroom door shut before she could hear Taehyung say the b-word.

_No. I am **not** getting excited because of that word!_

That night, Namjoon sleeps restlessly.

***

**Friday, 28 March 2014 – Morning 1**

The next morning, Namjoon stops in her tracks when she sees Seokjin and his ridiculous bike in front of her house. She runs a hand through her face.

Once again, Namjoon hates stubborn guys.

“Why are you here?” Namjoon asks, resisting the urge to run her hand through her now pink-tinted hair and risk ruining it. Seokjin looks at her and smiles. Namjoon hates that smile.

“I told you I’m gonna pick you up, didn’t I?”

“And I told you that there’s no need! I’m perfectly capable of going to school alone!” Namjoon says, sounding flustered.

“Aw, come on, Namjoon-ah. Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed of getting seen with me together,” Seokjin jokes. Namjoon can feel her cheeks heat up, more so when Seokjin gasps and widens his eyes, “you are?! That is adorable!”

Namjoon gasps, “who gave you the right to call me adorable?!”

“Well, don’t you guys sound like an old married couple already,” says a voice from behind Namjoon, “you left your phone on the table, noona. Again.”

Namjoon doesn’t think she can get any redder. She stomps towards Taehyung and takes her phone from his outstretched hand, “you need to go to school, you brat.”

“You too,” Taehyung says with a grin and leaves the premises.

Namjoon wants to hide. She has never acted like this around guys before; hell, she’s damn confident in her skills to make a man cry just with her freestyle rap. Kim Seokjin is the first guy to ever make her blush so much.

“Your brother’s cute.”

“No, he’s an asshole.”

“Ooh, you curse too. That’s hot.”

“Wha-?! S-shut up already!”

“I’ll keep it to myself if you let me pick you up and take you home every day.”

“…not every day.”

“You’re right. Days without drama club, so everyday but Monday and Wednesday.”

“…fine.”

Seokjin grins, “Get on then, my princess.”

Once again, Namjoon hates cheesy guys.

“For God’s sakes, please stop.”

***

**Friday, 28 March 2014 – Morning 2**

Namjoon actually insists on getting off before they arrive at school, but before Namjoon can actually get off, Seokjin starts to speed up and the force throws Namjoon onto his back.

“Are you crazy?!” Namjoon screams.

“I am not letting you get away!” Seokjin says. Even without looking at his face, Namjoon can tell that he has a silly grin on his face as he rides the bike into their school. After Seokjin stops near the bike racks, Namjoon practically runs away from him, “hey!”

Namjoon ignores him and walks to the entrance of the school and yelps when her left hand gets caught in someone else’s.

“You think it’s that easy to shake me off?” Seokjin whispers in her left ear. Namjoon gasps and tries to pull her hand away, but Seokjin starts to lace their fingers together. Namjoon can only blush and look down as they walk through the halls with the whispers of the whole student body following them like a shadow.

“You’re my girlfriend; stop looking like you’re walking to your death,” Seokjin whispers in her ear once again as they arrive at Namjoon’s locker. Namjoon pulls her hand as she grows even redder and widens her eyes as she manages to break free, “I gotta go to class now, but we can meet at lunch if you get lonely.”

Namjoon frowns, the blush on her face not going anywhere, “in your dreams!” she screams at Seokjin’s retreating back.

Seokjin suddenly stops, and for some reason, Namjoon is afraid that she has offended him. But when he turns around and walks back to Namjoon, he looks mischievous more than offended.

“I forgot to tell you that you look beautiful with pink hair. How do you know it’s my favorite color?”

“I-it’s not like I did it on purpose! I just felt like it!” Namjoon opens her locker and takes a scrunchie that she stores in her locker all the time and pulls her hair up.

“Your hair looks like strawberry-vanilla ripple ice cream,” Seokjin says. Namjoon yelps when she feels someone’s, more likely Seokjin’s, finger on the nape of her neck, “I like this. Put your hair up all the time,” Namjoon turns around to slap the hand away. She never expects to see Seokjin so serious; she thought he was joking, “On second thought, only put your hair up when you’re around me. I don’t want other people to see you so beautiful,” Seokjin then pulls the scrunchie off her hair, letting her hair fall down her back.

“Go away!” Namjoon says as she grabs the scrunchie from Seokjin’s hand and storms towards her classroom as she puts her hair back up again.

Namjoon doesn’t know why, but it feels kind of… good to know that Seokjin has a possessive streak within him over her.

“You look hot when you’re putting up your hair!” Seokjin screams from the other end of the hall as Namjoon takes a turn towards her classroom. Namjoon turns red and pretends that she doesn’t hear his stupid voice.

 _What have I gotten myself into?_ Namjoon thinks somberly.

***

**Friday, 28 March 2014 – Afternoon**

“Sooo…”

“Sehee-yah, please don’t start.”

“How can I _not_ start?! The rumor grapevine in this school is impeccable, you know,” Namjoon runs an exasperated hand over her face. Oh Sehee is one of her closest friends and she is one big gossip, “So? How did you guys meet? When did this happen? What did he say to you when he confessed? Is he…”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, missy,” Namjoon says as she glares at Sehee. She sighs. She knows that Sehee will never let up unless she tells her everything, “I’ll tell you at lunch.”

“Don’t you dare ditch me, Kim Namjoon!” Sehee says as she leaves Namjoon’s classroom to go to hers next door. Namjoon pulls the scrunchie off her tied up hair and plays with it, a habit that happens whenever she’s agitated. Then she remembers Seokjin’s words and actually contemplates whether or not she should tie her hair up at lunch or not.

 _Should I put it up just to appease him? But he says he doesn’t want people to see my hair tied up…_ Namjoon thinks. Not a second later, her eyes widen. Did she actually just thought about how to make Seokjin happy?

“Why…?”

Seokjin is slowly changing her, and she doesn’t like it.

She likes being a different kind of girl than any girl she knows. She likes the fact that she can get close to any guy and be treated like one of the boys. She likes not having to pay attention to her looks and just dress herself how she wants to dress; she doesn’t even wear make-up to school. But not with Seokjin.

For the first time in her life, she feels just like a typical girl. She gets flustered around Seokjin. She wants to look her best in front of Seokjin. She actually wants to look like just how Seokjin likes her to look like. She doesn’t like this.

Namjoon continues her brooding until lunch arrives. She’s dreading it. She has to tell not only Sehee, but also her boyfriend, Zitao, who is in the same year as Seokjin, how everything happened (which is something she would rather forget), and she doesn’t really want to see Seokjin. She felt the daggers on her back when she walked down the hall earlier that morning when Seokjin walked her to her locker. No matter how strong Namjoon thinks she is, and as much as she hates to admit it, she is rather intimidated. Namjoon knows that Seokjin has lots of fangirls and that they can be quite insane at times.

The second Namjoon steps into the cafeteria, Namjoon stops in her tracks. The only time she receives so much attention is when she is in her element under the moniker of Rap Monster, rapping it out in a rap battle underground with Yoongi and Hoseok behind her. She is used to that kind of attention. But right now, she’s not Rap Monster, she’s Kim Namjoon, and she’s not going into the room to go head to head with another rapper in a rap battle. She’s going into the cafeteria to eat her damn lunch, for God’s sakes. She never draws this much attention before, she doesn’t understand what’s so interesting about her all of a sudden.

Oh right. There’s the fact that she’s dating one of the most popular boys at school.

She holds her head high and makes her way towards the line to get her lunch. After paying for her lunch (and getting a weird stare from the cashier lady), she scans the room for Sehee’s familiar rainbow hair (which is dyed properly instead of using chalk like Namjoon; same end result, different technique and prices, whatever). After she manages to spot her, she makes a beeline towards her.

“There’s the lady of the hour,” Namjoon hears Sehee say when she is in hearing range. Namjoon high fives Zitao, who is sitting next to Sehee, and sits down beside Sehee, “so you promised to tell me all about it, so spill.”

Namjoon heaves a deep sigh before saying, “I don’t even know where I should start…”

“Why don’t you start with the fact that you were born beautiful?”

Namjoon tenses in her seat when she hears the familiar voice, and jumps when a hand lands on her shoulder, “S-Sunbaenim…”

“I told you to call me ‘oppa’, Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin says as he sits right next to Namjoon. He then smiles at Sehee and Zitao, “Hi,” he says simply.

Sehee can only gape at the proximity of the most popular guys at school, and only returns to Earth when Zitao elbows her, “H-Hi! Oh Sehee, Namjoon-nim’s best friend.”

“What the hell are you calling me ‘-nim’ for?!” Namjoon protests from under Seokjin’s arms, “some best friend you are…”

“Kim Seokjin,” Seokjin says with his prize-winning smile. Namjoon looks away at that. She hates people who get too familiar with people they just met.

“So? What draws you to my grumpy best friend?”

Namjoon lets her head fall onto the table with Sehee’s question.

“Is it her chic charm? Is it her colorful hair? Is it her no-nonsense attitude? Is it the fact that she doesn’t care about anything in this world other than rapping? What is it?”

“Sehee-yah, please stop…”

“Rapping?” Seokjin asks as he catches Namjoon’s eyes, “You rap?”

“Uh…”

“She does,” this time, Zitao starts to talk.

“Oppa…”

“What? Are you ashamed of it?” Zitao asks Namjoon as he raises an eyebrow. The boy with silkworms under his eyes looks damn intimidating to Namjoon, so she cowers, “we go to underground Seoul every Wednesday. That’s actually where we first met before we found out that we go to the same school. And that I’m actually dating her best friend.”

It’s not that she’s ashamed of it. For some reason, she doesn’t want Seokjin to find out just yet. Having a part of her real self hidden from people is a source of comfort for her.

“…so that’s why you always look so tired every Thursday morning,” Seokjin says with a soft tone she has never heard from him as he runs a hand through Namjoon’s hair. Namjoon hates it when someone touches her hair, but with Seokjin, it feels so soothing that she can’t find it in her to stop him. So she doesn’t. In fact, she closes her eyes and let his hand do its magic.

“Oh my God… what is this sorcery?!”

Namjoon opens her eyes in alarm and looks up at Sehee, whose eyes are wide as saucers. She knows that she’s blushing right now.

“What kind of magic do you wield, Kim Seokjin? Namjoon never lets anyone play with her hair, _never_!” Sehee says loudly. Zitao has his hand on his forehead and he’s shaking his head.

“Sehee-yah, you’re making a ruckus…” Zitao says to his girlfriend

“ _You shut up!_ This is a life-changing moment for me!”

Namjoon wipes her mouth with a napkin and then she stands up from her seat. She knows that the best thing she can do when Sehee is having another one of her mental breakdowns is to just leave. And so she does. She acts like she doesn’t even know Sehee even though she knows she’s being unfair to Zitao, who has to handle her all by himself.

She is very much aware of the eyes that are following her. More like glares, actually. When she exits the cafeteria, judging by the squeals that come from the girls around the room, she knows that Seokjin is following her.

Namjoon prides herself for being smart and not letting people know that she is smart. She likes to think things through and make decisions using her brains rather than her feelings. She always thinks about what kind of consequences she will face with each and every one of her decisions. She should’ve known that she is going to receive attention from the whole student body by dating Seokjin, which is a consequence she doesn’t like and can avoid had she rejected Seokjin.

But she didn’t, and she has to face the consequences.

“Are you uncomfortable?”

Namjoon jumps at the voice that comes from her right side. When she turns to her right, Seokjin’s face is _way_ too close for comfort.

“Geez! Get away!”

“Don’t worry about them. You’re my girlfriend. You should hold your head up high,” Seokjin says as he laces his left hand fingers with Namjoon’s right and lifts her chin with his right hand, “if any of them gives you any heat, just tell me. I’ll do something about it.”

Namjoon is not used to being protected. Even though she has a younger brother who likes to act like her guardian, she still feels the need to protect him. She also always feels like she has to protect Sehee. Maybe it has something to do with her being the first child. Or maybe she’s just not used to having a boyfriend just yet.

“I-I can take care of myself just fine. I’ve managed without you before.”

“Yeah, but not against the whole female student body,” Seokjin says, “even for a girl as tough as you, it’s gonna be hard. So please tell me if they did something bad to you.”

“I told you, I…”

“Please just promise me, Namjoon-ah. For the sake of my sanity.”

Namjoon looks at Seokjin at last. He had that serious look he had this morning when they were talking about her hair. Namjoon gulps. She hates to admit it, but this look suits him so much better than those silly smiles he gives to the whole world. She has no choice but to nod. When Seokjin gives her a small smile, similar to the smile she first sees on the rooftop when he first confessed to her, Namjoon’s heart gives a thump.

Man, she’s in trouble.

***

**Wednesday, 4 June 2014 – Evening**

Having a boyfriend, and being able to say that she has a boyfriend without blushing or stuttering, is a new experience for Namjoon. One that she can’t say she’s not enjoying. Seokjin is as every bit of a gentleman as everyone says. He does and says cheesy things all the time, but Namjoon can tell that Seokjin cares for her. Seokjin has most of the traits Namjoon hates in guys, and sometimes (most of the time, really) Seokjin throws her off her game so much, it irritates her. But for some reason, she doesn’t mind. She really likes the way he pouts whenever Namjoon says no to his requests. She likes the fact that every Thursday morning, she’d find a bottle of energy drink with a ~~sweet~~ cheesy note on a post-it stuck to it.

She hates him, but then she likes him. It’s like she wants to throw him off a cliff and then rush to the bottom to catch him.

Namjoon somewhat likes and hates the changes in her after Seokjin came into the picture. When she remembers how much Seokjin likes the color pink (at which Namjoon has mocked him for, more than once, and he retorted with, “real guys wear pink”), Namjoon’s hair seem to always have a little bit of pink to it. She never really likes pink. When Seokjin casually says that he wants to eat tteokbokki at Hongdae with her sometime, she tries tteokbokki for the first time in her life. She can’t stand spicy food.

Namjoon notices that she has never been on the receiving end of Seokjin’s “social smile,” as Namjoon dubs it. It’s a wide smile that Seokjin uses whenever he’s in public, whenever he is facing other people. But whenever Seokjin faces Namjoon, he has a small, beautiful smile that, for some reason (and maybe only to Namjoon’s eyes), looks so much better on him than a wide smile does.

But of course, Namjoon will never admit this outwardly. After three months of dating, Namjoon admitting to herself that she likes Seokjin is already an outstanding achievement.

“Think sharp, Kim Namjoon!” someone says as they hold Namjoon’s head in a headlock. Namjoon chokes for a bit before pushing the arm away.

“Oppa! Stop that!” Namjoon says as she turns around to find Min Yoongi, the oppa she came to know the first day she ever gone underground. On that very first day, on her very first rap battle, Yoongi chew her up and spit her out like she was nothing. He was the person that made her realize that as much as she likes hip-hop, just liking something wouldn’t do. That was why she sought out Yoongi and forced him to be her ‘master’ of sorts.

Now that she thought about it thoroughly, she doesn’t need him all that much. He was too much of a nuisance.

“What are you daydreaming about anyway? Your boyfriend?” Yoongi asks teasingly.

“At least I have one!” Namjoon says with an obvious blush on her cheeks. He’s right, but there’s no way Namjoon will ever admit it.

“Shame. I can’t flirt with you again now that you’re taken,” Yoongi says.

“You call that flirting? The dude that falls for that must be an idiot,” Namjoon says.

“Do you do this with your boyfriend too, Namjoon-ah?” another new voice says from behind her. That would be Hoseok.

“No, she doesn’t,” an accented voice says. Zitao, “Seokjin looks so pathetic whenever he falls over himself just to get Namjoon’s attention. Oh, how the mighty has fallen. I don’t even understand how he could stand being her boyfriend for more than three days, but he survived for three months, so I guess he’s either a masochist or he’s head over heels in love with Namjoon.”

“Isn’t he, like, a big shot at your school? You should be thankful that dude even notices you, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok says.

Listening to them talk actually makes Namjoon a little bit sad. She _does_ like Seokjin. Maybe she doesn’t act like or say it, but she does. And she’s confident that Seokjin understands how she feels. He wouldn’t stay with her for three weeks if he doesn’t, right?

 _Right?_ Namjoon asks herself.

“He’ll be alright,” Namjoon says, “He’s smart; he’ll understand.”

Namjoon then feels the vibration come from her pocket. She takes out her phone and sees that it’s a text from Seokjin.

_Seokjin-oppa 9:13pm 2014/06/04  
Break a leg tonight. Text me when you’re done._

Namjoon smiles at the text. It actually feels pretty good to have someone giving her texts like this. She texts him back with an ‘ _okay thanks :)_ ’.

“Man, you’re cold. You look more like a couple with Yoongi-hyung than with Seokjin, to be honest, Namjoon-ah,” Zitao says as Namjoon pockets her phone.

“I will _never_ treat Seokjin-oppa like I do Yoongi-oppa,” yes, finally, after five long weeks, Namjoon finally calls Seokjin ‘oppa’ without even blushing. Seeing the astonished and happy look on Seokjin’s face was really worth the effort, “besides, Yoongi-oppa’s _gay_.”

“Yeah, the only reason why I’m still friends with you is to get to your brother’s pants,” Yoongi says with a grin as he wraps an arm around Namjoon’s shoulder. Namjoon looks at him with a scandalized look on her face.

“Please never repeat that again. Taehyung is too young for you, old man!” Namjoon says, trying to sound disgusted but is ruined because she has a smile on her face.

“Namjoon-ah, how would Seokjin understand how you feel if you don’t say it? I’m pretty sure he’s not a mind reader, or you’d tell me,” Hoseok says, “if he could see you right now, I’m damn sure he’d be jealous.”

Namjoon looks confused. Sure, she’s close to Yoongi, but they’re nothing more than friends. Yoongi would prefer dating Taehyung than her, anyway. _There’s nothing to be jealous about…_

Her train of thought gets interrupted by the familiar feedback from the speaker. That’s enough thinking about boys for a while. Right now, she has to be Rap Monster.

***

**Thursday, 5 June 2014 – Morning**

It is an unusual sight to see her front porch empty in the morning. Namjoon checks the date and the time on her watch and frowns. It _is_ 7 AM on a Thursday morning. From what she remembers, Seokjin told him that he wouldn’t pick her up on Mondays and Wednesdays. But his familiar bike with the familiar owner is not there.

 _Why?_ Namjoon wonders. She then makes the decision to go to school on her own, since she would miss her train if she waits another minute.

When she arrives at school, she can feel the eyes on her. Pretty much the whole school knows that every day, except for Mondays and Wednesdays, she comes to and goes from school with Seokjin. She knows that they’re asking the same question she’s asking: where’s Seokjin?

“Oh, that girl’s here alone?”

“Maybe Seokjin-oppa finally got tired of her.”

“That’s good. Seokjin-oppa’s too good for a nobody like her.”

“What’s so good about her anyway?”

Hearing whispers like that usually means nothing to Namjoon. She always ignores them simply because she doesn’t care. Afterwards, when she finally admits to herself that she likes Seokjin, those whispers still don’t mean anything because she is confident in Seokjin’s feelings for her and her feelings for him.

But now, that confidence is shattered.

 _Did I forget to text him when I got home?_ Namjoon asks herself as she checks her phone for outgoing texts. She finds her latest text to Seokjin saying that she was home, she was tired and she was going to sleep. So that’s not why.

When she opens her locker, she slumps.

Getting into a rap battle at night time in underground Seoul is tiring, both physically and mentally, which is why Namjoon and Zitao always look like death warmed over every Thursday morning. These days, Namjoon always looks forward to Thursday mornings for her weekly dose of energy drink and a ~~sweet~~ cheesy post-it that goes with it.

Finding none of those things in her locker this morning makes her even more tired. Even before she started receiving the energy drink and the note, she has never felt this tired. Maybe she’s getting spoiled.

Namjoon frowns. She wracks her brain for the answer for _what did I do wrong?_

When she closes her locker, she pulls her blue and pink hair up into a ponytail as she walks down the hall towards her class. That’s when she sees the familiar, broad back she misses this morning.

“Oppa!” Namjoon says as she runs towards Seokjin. But when he turns around and gives her his “social smile,” Namjoon stops in her tracks.

“Good morning, Namjoon-ah. What is it?”

 _At least he’s not calling me Namjoon-sshi…_ Namjoon thinks. She’s still bewildered by the fact that he just gave her the smile she never wanted to receive, and she can’t find the words she wanted to say.

“No… it’s nothing. Sorry,” Namjoon says as she looks down. She turns around and walks towards her classroom. She keeps wishing that Seokjin would stop her, but he never says anything. So she walks away.

“Kim Namjoon, what is this?!” Sehee asks her the second she steps into the classroom. Namjoon ignores her and walks towards her seat. She only looks at her when she’s situated in her seat.

“What’s what?”

“What’s this rumor I hear about you and Seokjin-oppa breaking up? It’s not true, right?”

Namjoon can only gape at that. She doesn’t know how to grace that question with an answer. Because she doesn’t have the answer. Are they broken up? Is this just a small dispute? Is there a misunderstanding somewhere along the way? Did she do something wrong? Because she has no problem with Seokjin, so Seokjin must have a problem with her.

“Yah, Kim Namjoon!” Sehee screams right in front of her face.

“I don’t know, Sehee-yah! So… shut up, will you?!” Namjoon shouted all of a sudden. She can see that Sehee is shocked. She’s not the only one; Namjoon shocks even herself. Sehee retreats back to her seat without another word, and Namjoon buries her face into her arms on top of her desk.

_Great. First Seokjin-oppa, now Sehee. Who else are you going to piss off now, Kim Namjoon?_

Even before meeting Seokjin, being alone is like a second nature to Namjoon. But this time, she feels lonelier than ever.

***

**Thursday, 5 June 2014 – Afternoon**

When the bell that tells everyone that it’s lunch time starts to ring, Namjoon flees to the rooftop. She is not in the mood to be on the receiving end of judging stares and malicious whispers. She doesn’t even have an appetite. She would rather be alone than be in the company of people who just wants to judge her.

On the way to the roof, Namjoon ponders about the changes Seokjin has brought to her. For lack of a better word, Namjoon has become a Seokjin fangirl. She hangs onto his every word, she gets excited whenever he gives her all his attention, and she gets depressed when he ignores her.

She’s one of the ordinary girls now, which is something she never wants to be.

She wants to be that one-of-a-kind girls, the kind of girl who doesn’t care about what other people say, the kind that goes every Wednesday night for a rap battle and goes to school tired every Thursday morning but still gets through the day without anyone’s help, the kind that gets into the top of her class without anyone knowing just how smart she can be.

She may still be that kind of girl, but she’s starting to act like an ordinary girl. And she doesn’t know if she likes it. She knows that it’s not easy to shake off those behaviors if she wants to change back into the girl that she was.

When she opens the door to the roof, she stops in her tracks. There stands the last person she wants to face. She curses in her mind when the door creaks loudly from age, because then Seokjin turns around to look in her direction. Again, he gives her the same smile from this morning, his “social smile.”

“Hey, Namjoon-ah. Not eating?”

“What did I do wrong?” Namjoon decides to cut to the chase. She doesn’t know if she has the strength or the will to let Seokjin continue treating her like she doesn’t mean anything more than his fangirl, “please tell me so I understand…”

“Understand what?”

“Why you’re smiling so widely at me!” Namjoon screams, fed up. It hasn’t even twelve hours since Seokjin started to act like she is nothing, but she can’t handle it anymore. She feels like she’s about to cry, but she’s trying her hardest to hold it in because for her to start crying in front of an audience is a lifetime too soon, “you never do that! You have a special smile you use only to me! You never use that wide smile at me! Why now?!” Namjoon screams. She took a deep breath and asks softly, “what did I do…?”

When she pants from her outburst, she sees Seokjin looking shocked. Namjoon won’t blame him; she has never raised her voice that much, ever.

“…I saw you yesterday.”

“Huh?”

“When I texted you that night, I actually was there, in that rap battle spot you go to every week. I forced Zitao to take me there.”

“What…?”

“And I saw you with that guy, getting all cozy together. I heard you guys bantering and the way you speak to him is not the same as the way you speak to me…” Seokjin looks straight into Namjoon’s eyes, “who is he, Namjoon-ah?”

Namjoon frowns, “why didn’t you tell me you were there?”

“I was going to, but you looked like you were having so much fun with that guy, it feels wrong to approach you. I shouldn’t feel that way, Namjoon-ah, you’re _my_ girlfriend. But at that time, I felt like I was interrupting you two…” Seokjin runs a hand through his perfectly coiffed hair, and sighs, “you know, I’ve been wondering this, but… do you like me?”

“What?”

“Like, do you have feelings for me? Because I love you. I’m head over heels in love with you, but I’ve always felt like I’m the only one who’s in love here. I never hear how you really feel. I hardly know anything about you. Maybe it’s just your personality, but you have to know that sometimes I get insecure, Namjoon-ah. Sometimes I think ‘what if Namjoon only stays with me because she pities me?’

“And then whenever I text you, you’d never text me back with more than three words. Usually it’s just ‘OK’, ‘No’, ‘I’m gonna sleep.’ Most of the time, when I send you a LINE or KaTalk, you’d only read them and not send anything back. Honestly, at this point, I’d be happy with just a small sticker or something because you seem to not want to reply anything to me. Do we have to make a contract or something? Like, how many words per message, how many LINEs per day, how many KaTalks per day? Do we need that?”

Namjoon has never seen Seokjin like this. This may be the most serious Namjoon has ever seen him. And then, when Namjoon thinks that Seokjin can’t break her heart even further, Seokjin proves her wrong.

“I love you like crazy, Namjoon-ah… do you?”

Namjoon bites her lip and ponders what to say. She needs to set things straight. She takes a deep breath and then she approaches Seokjin. She takes both of his hand in hers and looks straight into his eyes, “Listen to me, and listen good, oppa. First of all, that guy is Yoongi-oppa, my mentor in the underground. I first met him on my first day underground and he was my first opponent. I owe him everything because I wouldn’t be as skilled as I am now without him,” Namjoon says as she squeezes Seokjin’s hands tightly. Then she continues, “He’s in college studying photography, and most important of all, he’s _gay_. Trust me; he would rather date my brother than me.

“Second of all, I am sorry. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say whenever you text me or send me LINEs or KaTalks. Sometimes I just read them because even though I wanna reply, I don’t know the right words to type back. I always thought that it would be better if I say it to you face to face. But then when we face each other, those words disappear because I’m always nervous around you.

“I never get nervous around people, especially strangers. Hell, I have to face strangers every Wednesday night and battle them. Being nervous is the last thing I should be. But not with you. I look forward to every Thursday morning for your energy drink and your post it. Every night, I think about what color would go well with pink so that my hair will always have a pink hue to it. Whenever you compliment my hair or when I see your energy drink and your message, I get butterflies in my stomach.

“You make me nervous, oppa. Because I love you so much.”

Namjoon figures that she has never been so honest and open with her feelings before. She has never even told Taehyung just how much she treasures him, but she tries to show it through her actions, and she knows that Taehyung knows she loves him. She thought maybe she can treat Seokjin like she treats Taehyung and he’ll understand.

But apparently she can’t.

She has just realized that the happy feeling she gets whenever she sees Seokjin’s text, LINE, KaTalk, or the energy drink with the message, Seokjin doesn’t receive it back from her. Because she’s too busy wondering what to say that eventually she forgoes replying altogether.

“You changed me, oppa. A lot. In such a good way.”

“How so?”

“I never cared about what people think about me. But now, your opinion matters so much to me that I start changing. I dye my hair pink for you, I start trying spicy things so that we can eat tteokbokki together, I put up with your cheesy messages every Thursday morning… and Taehyung says that I smile more now. He says that I don’t look so emo anymore, that I seem brighter after I met you. I never liked changes. But if it’s because of you and if the changes are positive, I don’t mind.

“I’m sorry I never said it, because… well, it’s embarrassing…” Namjoon says as she looks down with a deep red hue on her face up to her ears. She has had enough eye contact with Seokjin to last her the week.

“Namjoon-ah, look at me,” Seokjin says.

“No way. I can’t look at someone’s eyes for too long, it’s embarrassing,” Namjoon says. She hears Seokjin chuckling from above her.

“Okay then, just listen. I’m so sorry I’ve misunderstood you. I should’ve let you explain things before I acted. I was just so distraught and I thought that you’ve always been cheating on me with that guy, so I took matters into my own hands,” Seokjin says as he pulls Namjoon into his arms. Namjoon then puts her right ear on top of Seokjin’s chest, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat.

“…will you come pick me up tomorrow, then?”

“Try and stop me. Not even a thunderstorm can.”

“If there’s a thunderstorm, I’ll just leave you alone. Go and brave the storm on your own,” Namjoon jokes as she grins.

“That’s cold,” Seokjin laughs, “but that’s very you.”

Namjoon feels Seokjin’s finger underneath her chin, and let Seokjin pull her face up. Namjoon can feel her face heating up. When Seokjin’s face approaches hers, she closes her eyes. When she feels Seokjin’s lips on top of hers, she kisses him back.

“I love you, Namjoon-ah,” Seokjin whispers when he pulls away.

“…don’t expect me to say it all the time,” Namjoon says, “but I love you too, oppa.”

“I’ll take that,” Seokjin says, with the small, soft smile Namjoon likes so much.


End file.
